Digital Decomposition
the sunday poem, a sermon of sorts
Digital Decomposition
by Angela M. Parker
Screen aglow – cheap light,
bright – as gloom. At 5:16,
morning inside this room.
Alert. Email – a digital debt.
Twelve fucking words –
I cannot forget.
At 7:12 – the loop begins,
Etymology. Lexicology of sins.
Re-reading lines until they bleed,
Frantic. Sick. Obsessive need.
Fucking message! This time bomb.
Like ignis, never calm?
Counting syllables by – Twelve.
Sacred number. I can shelve –
this broken mind. 9:24 – I quell,
a perfect grid of mental Hell.
Each definition I can find –
cannot repair this goddamn mind.
Then ignis sparks – its flash of red.
A fevered fire in my head. Screaming
just hit send – a simple plea –
a manic, franticness – in me. Combusting
rhapsody – Thought – taking flight.
Deceived, again, I chase the light.
It’s Noon – Twelve – a perfect sum.
My thoughts to multiples succumb.
And I'm the Fool – Ignis Fatuus –
a Will-o'-the-wisp – mysterious status
Stingy Jack – Devil to pay –
Given only ember to light the way.
So here I sit – Soul lost – in thought
Fucking mouse trap. I have wrought. 3:36 –
Six-Six-Six. These numbers mock
An omen. Another – Tic – Another tock.
Email – a perfect sextet of a cell.
Re-reading. Trapped in measured Hell.
Author’s Note
This poem offers a glimpse into my personal experience with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). What might seem like overthinking or perfectionism is, in fact, the profound and often exhausting impact of a disability that dictates even the smallest acts and tasks at times. I share this in the spirit of Disability Pride Month – which for me is a time to celebrate, advocate for understanding, and acknowledge the diverse ways our minds and bodies navigate this wild world.
About this series: Every other Sunday, I share a poem from my personal practice. If you'd like to read more about why I started this journey, you can find the introduction at A Mid-Life Poetry Crisis.
P.S. You can get more poems like this in your inbox by subscribing. And if you’re feeling particularly generous, you can fuel this whole endeavor with a coffee.